If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
