you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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