So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
