Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
