Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
