we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
