what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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