Do you still have your period?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
