Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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