I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
