Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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