We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
