Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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