Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
