this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
