I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
