i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
