shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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