i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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