i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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