He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
where does the pee come out of this thing
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
