Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
