dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need water and some morals
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
