wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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