if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
