My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
