I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
