I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
