you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
