When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
