you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
