this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
