He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
soo... how was my night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
