remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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