Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
