I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
