There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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