I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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