Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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