So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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