If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
