i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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