i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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