Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
