he puts the penis in happiness.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
