I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
