I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
