woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
