I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
