All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
