I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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