I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
