Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
