even my farts smell like vagina
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
