I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
