I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dont even know how to be here
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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