Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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