Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, beer. Big fan.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize