yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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