..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
