just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
