They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
