Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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