I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
