No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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