I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize