im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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