Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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