Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
