Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
